The Divine (white/yellow) and the universe (green)
both being born out of the Cosmic Womb (black), while continuously returning to
"For those who are
|I know that deep within you are desperate. One
illusion after the other goes up in smoke. There is nothing you can cling to anymore. Who
are you in the middle of the wasteland, where everything breathes the breath of decay? The
meaning of status, position, job, relationships and even your own identity......everything
is eroding at a frightening pace. To be isolated among other isolated beings gives a very
weird feeling. The breakdown seems to be meaningless, it is no fun to see everything
deteriorate. So, is that it?
feeling your pain is your turning point
|Without spiritual insight the world will certainly
become increasingly meaningless. Unless.....you go within and sincerely acknowledges that
it is your own clinging that has caused the mess. Weren't you running after money like a
whippet after the sausage, after all? Wasn't your vision blurred, your heart blocked and
your joy of life long forgotten? So, this is the hour of Truth. If you go on the old way
there will be only more suffering. You will only see losses around you. If, on the other
hand, you come to yourself - the greater the shock the better - a new perspective appears
at the horizon. So, acknowledge that the mess is the result of your greed for more. You
have been an addict your whole life. How painful to realize this. What a shame, what a
|Realizing this is your turning point. The deeper you
let in your pain, the stronger your longing for Wholeness. Isn't that a miracle?
Everything depends on this your longing. If it is strong enough, then you will be saved.
If not, you will enter a new period of suffering. So, drop every half- heartedness. If it
is still there, then you simply did not manage to fully open yourself up to your anguish.
Thus, go to your innermost core with it*. Because that is the place where your liberating
powers lie dormant. They only wake up after being touched by your pain! Once activated,
nothing can stop them. Your journey towards Realizing your Divine Self has
* While consciously observing the
process. Watching and feeling is where it is all about
|Now, as you yourself know, there are countless ways of
Self-realization. The more they reflect Reality As It Is, the more powerful they are. The
ones based on Ultimate Insight will benefit you most. The point is, that there is a
deadline. Our self-inflicted crisis doesn't allow us to shop around, anymore. We have to
directly go to the goal. This is the moment the "Great Mother" comes in. In
these most desperate of times Her limitless compassion made HerSelf reveal to the world.
She brought a New Insight to mankind. It is the fact that the Ultimate is a Cosmic Vacuum
("Womb"). This Womb contains two opposite cosmic forces: one that draws you
within ("destruction"), while the other is pushing you out
("manifestation"). Life depends on a dynamic equilibrium of both these ingoing
and outgoing forces.
|Recently I saw two "pundits"* in YouTube,
(very) seriously talking about the topic "who is it that drops the ego?", not
realizing that the point of departure of this question was false. The wrong implication of
the question, namely that apparently " you have to drop your ego" did not occur
to them. But, indeed, "who is it that wants to drop the ego? Obviously, it is the
selfsame ego! It is the greatest challenge to its ambitious aims. The pundits, however,
seemed to take this question very seriously, so they started a very heavy discussion
about it. The question should be changed in "why do I want to drop my ego?"
Well, the reasons are known. It is to be tired of suffering, ambition for spiritual
realization, boredom, ignorance and curiosity.
Pundits are those who pretend to know, while indeed often having a certain understanding,
but who are lacking the final insight.
The question implies that "getting rid of
the ego" is a
desirable or even a necessary goal
|The very effort to "get rid of your ego" is
making your ego stronger. Why? Because it is the ego, who wants to get rid of the ego. You
are in the vortex of a deadly vicious circle. The only ones that are benefitting from it
are the guru's. The deeper your trouble, the more they are needed.....So please, do
yourself a favour and step out of these kind of situation. The solution? Well, the ego is
a part of you. It serves personal survival and social functioning. A certain degree of
self-centeredness is normal. Obviously, the more aware you are, the more effective your
behaviour. So that is the first step. If, through simply becoming aware, your life can be
managed in the sense of achieving inner balance, then nothing more needs to be done. Many
kinds of awareness practices are at your disposal.*
See "The Universal Way"
"Who/what is it that is dropping the
Do you hear my roaring laughter?
|The second level of insight is based on the previous.
If the ego is part of you, then the ego itself isn't a problem, but the fact that he leads
a separate life, disconnected from the Whole, is. For instance, through your practice of
trying to get rid of your ego (haha....haha). By the way, does anybody know what the ego
is? It is another aspect of irresponsibly handling the whole issue: to purposely avoid a
clear definition. So that nobody is really getting grip on the matter. Well, here it
comes: "ego is the condition in which you are unconsciously identified with your
self-image." Ego isn't wrong, self-image isn't wrong, only "unconscious
identification" is. Why? Because, everything done unconsciously is cause of
irresponsibility toward God, yourself and others.
|I love my ego. I deeply know that there is nothing
wrong with it. It is simply a function of my bodymindSpirit. I don't even expect that I am
always aware. In situations that are irrelevant or simply pleasant, I allow myself to
dream away a little. On the other hand, in situations that matter I do commit myself. How?
Well, if the ego is a function that separated itself from my system - the part that has
turned its back to its Essence - then the only thing to do is to invite it to return home.
It is like the biblical prodrigal son. So, in order to facilitate its coming home I
embrace it. My Essence is like a Mother that is loving Her children. It is like quieting
down a child in anguish by taking it on your lap. What happens by doing so? Right, the
child immediately calms down. In the same way I imagine taking my ego on my lap, while
embracing it!* Once the ego is part of the Whole, it automatically loses its
* Simultaneously, through the
practice of embracing you enlarge your loving potential!
|The third level of understanding re-connects to the
first part of my essay. Here the Mystery of life comes in. Therefore, this part is for
serious students, only. It is about those of you that suffer from a too strong ego.
Unfortunately, this is a very common feature. Isn't the entire culture promoting
addiction, selfishness and greed? It is the reason why MANY of you don't manage to balance
their bodymindSpirit. All efforts make it only worse. You really get crazy of
"working on yourself". If you are burnt-out, if you don't have energy anymore,
how can you summon the energy of everyday exercises? You even become fed up with the
continuous! embracing. It shows the limit of self-effort. Increasingly, a feeling of
helplessness is penetrating your innermost core. Indeed, who or what is left to help you
out of your morass?
|You guess it. If rescue doesn't come from
"within", then the only option left is that it comes from "without"*.
It is a (moving) moment, in which you drop all conceit, selfrighteousness, arrogance and
stubbornness. You are standing naked in front of the Ultimate. Tears may trickling down
your cheeks. Insight into the Ultimate is crucial. Only then you may start cooperating
with it. The big surprise? The Cosmic Womb is something that draws you in. Which means:
without any doing on your part cosmic forces are pulling in everything that is a burden to
you.....You only have to give it back to "Her". In fact, it belongs to
"Her" from eternity, already. You only thought that your thoughts, emotions and
desires belonged to you. In reality, everything is content of unlimited Cosmic Space. So,
you are only giving it back to where it belongs......
This is a way of saying. The "without" - the Ultimate/the Mother - is closer to
you than your own skin.....
|And that isn't all. The crucial point is that you
don't have to do it yourself. These cosmic forces are operating independently from you.
You only have to put your suffering on the conveyor belt of the Cosmos. Imagining the
latter as a Cosmic Womb - which complies fully with Reality - is decisive. You even may
imagine a loving Mother taking back your trials, whispering: "please, take my burden
away". That's why surrendering to the Great Mother is infinitely more effective"
compared to surrendering to some other image. Even surrending to "God" isn't
that thorough. Because it lacks the resonance with the pulling, ingoing power, something
that belongs exclusively to the Mother. So imagining this Her power is decisive. However,
in order to have it functioning, you first have to connect to Her. Imagination, however
close to the Truth, is not enough, since you created it yourself. It is a mind-creation.
What you still have to do is truly restore unity with Her. Only then Her Power is going to
|After having restored contact with the Mother, She
will do the rest. In an open communication system things start re-arranging themselves in
a natural and spontaneous way. Objects flow to the regions with the lowest charge. Like
the Vacuum! Alleluia! It is the Secret that many of you are longing for to know. Because
deep down we all have an intuition that life is actually simple and easy. It stems from
the time that we were still one with Oneness. The Cosmic Womb is all-embracing, hence we
live in absolute security. How to re-establish this unity, though? Look at the mandala in
the sideline. It is a reflection of Reality As It Is. Everything is born out of the Womb,
while simultaneously returning. She is giving birth to the Light, while the latter in its
turn is giving birth to the universe, you and me included. Oppositely, we are constantly
returning to the Light, while the Light is eternally returning to Her Emptiness.
The Secret of Mother Initiation
|At last, there is only one thing left "to
do". Re-connecting to Reality As It Is. It is an invitation to become the
Cosmic Mandala. How do you "do" that? Well, if it is true - and it is - that you
are the universe (green part), then, going back to the Womb (black) implies to become the
Light (yellow and white) first. Again, study the mandala, understand the subsequent
stages. That is the first and most decisive step. Once you restore unity with the Light,
everything will be channeled via the Light toward the Great Vacuum. It goes like this: 24
hours a day you feel your back in contact with your clothes, to start (all over again)
with your feet, legs and trunk until the backside of your skull. Did you know that your
backside is sacred? Through it you connect to the Divine. That's why the halo's of
(Buddhist and Christian) saints are on the backside!*
While your ego is at your frontside!
|At the same time, you imagine and subsequently feel
the Light shining intensively on your aware back. To such an extent that it becomes one
with the latter. Your back IS Light. You keep this awareness, regardless the situation,
whether you walk, sit in the bus, are attending a meeting, having an emotional outburst,
sitting on the toilet, while eating or making love. It has to become your "first
nature". After it has been "reasonably" established, you imagine to be part
of the mandala in its entirety. The Light experience is then mixed with flashes of the
Womb, out of which the former is born. Doing this, you become a "walking
Cosmos". The results won't long in coming. Great clarity, intensive joy,
fearlessness, laughter, insight, playfulness, being totally carefree, wisdom,
selflessness, love, strength and compassion will take possession of you. Is there still
anything else you desire?
In order to have a full overview of the
we recommend you to first going back to the beginning of
Han Marie Stiekema's website.
Please, click HOME and proceed from there.
2003 © Copyright Han Marie
Stiekema. All rights reserved.
Everyone may use this website as a source of inspiration. However, since it
is freely given, no-one can claim, copy or derive any text, rights,
position or status from this website.
Last revising: 08/09/12