|December 11, 1999
Birthday of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
Some friends have argued,
that a clear overview of the teaching would very much contribute to the value of my
website. They thought, that the need for structure in guidance is rapidly growing. Aren't
many people facing the inflation of existing "spiritual" philosophies? It is the
cause of increasing confusion.
People desperately cling to borrowed images, concepts and
ideas. Only to discover that they are hollow, devoid of any meaning. Spirituality itself
has become corrupted. The time is ripe for a breakthrough, they said. It coincides with
the Revelation of the Mother.
I more and more acknowledge the value of dreams. They are
the channel through which the Mother is conveying Her Messages. The clearer the dream, the
more likely that they come from Her. Time and again She expresses Her real concern to me:
BALANCE. F.i. last night's dream was all about making up my arrears. Its meaning: I have
to hurry up with spreading Mother's Message.
So, yes, I agree, the second month the emphasis of the blog
will be on teaching. May I invite you to read a key text first? After having read it, your
understanding of the rest will be much more plausible.
To open the file, click:
Turn On/Kehr Um/Keer Omme
December 12, 1999
I prayed to the Mother, asking for a "new
spirit". For how to "spread Her Message?". To me, most of the time, reality
"Is As It Is". I joyfully live the Moment, the HereNow. This Inner Equanimity
isn't exactly suitable for going out and "preach". Moreover, I am not a
missionary type. And even if I had the drive, how to reach people? Should I go to the
streets with a text on my back "Come ye all unto the Mother?"
On the other hand, there is the Grace I have
received in my life. It is so overwhelming, that I cannot ignore it, whatsoever. In it, it
bears the obligation that it "should become fruitful". There is no other way. I
thus fall between two stools. The least I could do this moment is to start my teaching
here in the website.*
* See also: "Origin"
People may come to the Mother through various
ways. One very direct way is that they love their (earthly) mother. This gives them a
spontaneous acceptance of the "Cosmos as a Mother". Or the opposite is true. You
always have missed a caring mother. Your whole life you have been longing for one. The
miracle is, that She had been always there, waiting for you.
In the most crucial moments of life, a
spontaneous re-connection with the Source may take place. Hence, people (soldiers f.i.) in
their last moments, always cry out for "mother". Have you ever heard a dying
person calling for "father?" No, in those Moments of Truth you reach out to the
Primordial Ground of Existence, the Mother. It is the best proof of Her All-Embracing
One would say, that women will be the first,
who would acknowledge the Mother. A small group certainly does. They are taking the lead.
The majority, though, considers this as a setback in emancipation. They have totally
identified themselves with patriarchal achievements, focusing themselves on independence,
rational thinking, a career, power and shopping.
You even cannot blame them for it! According
to C.G. Jung, women - in order to become whole - have to develop their "animus",
their masculine part within. For them, it means liberation from dependency,
oppression and exploitation. They have to become strong themselves. That doesn't
mean, that they should copy the masculinity of current society, though!!!
In fact, women are facing the same problem as
grown-up boys do. In order to develop their masculine ego, the latter have to distance
themselves from the mother. The greatest fear is to fall back into the "chaos"
of the womb. The balance comes with later life, though. In order for men to become whole,
they have to develop their feminine part: the "anima". Men may not have the
"substance", they certainly have a perspective. They have the chance to move in
the right direction.
Women are not to be envied. Everywhere, where
they try to adapt to the (Western) system, they immediately corrupt themselves. A large
number have drawn conclusions out of this. They work parttime, just enough to provide
themselves a living. The solution? For women (and men!) to flower - to live as human
beings - the context in which they live and work has to change. First step towards it is
going back to the Source in order to become renewed.
Will be continued.
December 13, 1999
Two days ago on TV I saw a German cabaretier.
As a good professional he poked fun at everything. In particular his body language was
very outspoken. I started imitating the man, while teasing MeiMei about it. Very soon this
proved to be very enjoyable, giving way to staggering creativity. I felt extraordinary
free and happy (MeiMei too). Suddenly I saw myself confronted with the Mother. I felt
great hesitation. Would I dare to poke fun at Her, as well?
Immediately I realized: "If you meet the
Buddha on your road, kill him". Yes, there is every danger of identifying yourself
with your "object" of worship. Mixing up Reality with its image. A valuable
teaching, indeed. So, I laughed in Mother's face. It immediately felt as a relief, a
purification, really. Driven by spiritual zest some play the fool their entire life.
Philipp Neri was such a man.*
* Neri lived in the Renaissance, at a time
people became increasingly "secular". He went through town behaving like a
donkey. It was his way of teaching. Obviously, not poking fun at God, but at
Some will say: "don't come up with a
corresponding dream again". Well, I have to disappoint you. I dreamt I was at a
reunion with my fellow university students. One had become a skilled surgeon. He offered
me a "cleansing operation" for the intestine. After some reluctance I gave him
permission to carry out the operation......
Flashes of doubts popped up. What if the
Mother is just a bubble? A self-invented idol? Dictated by "a mother-complex?".
Although I know this isn't true - Her Reality is more real than all other realities
together - I just will use it for rounding off my game. "Dinge zu Ende denken",
the Germans say. So, the coming days I will continue to play the fool. In order to get rid
of every artificial fetter.
Isn't this phantastic? This month I decided to
dedicate myself to teaching and what happens? She is teaching me. As if She wants to say:
"okay, if you want to do this, at least do it with a purified mind". She is the
guardian of Cosmic Balance. It is typical for all of Her other interventions. Isn't She
How adventurous life can be!
December 14, 1999
( I have more material than I
can process! That's why I have separated the days in parts, each with a new
Nowadays, many religious groups try to spread
their message by displaying "positivity". They recognize the miserable situation
people are in. So, they preach "happiness", "beauty",
"optimism", "harmony" and "peace". "Negativity" -
stress, burn-out, war, injustice, destruction of the earth - they say, makes you unhappy.
That's why you should shut them out of your mind. Replace fear by love, they say.
What the above mentioned don't realize, though
(or do they...?), is that it doesn't work out like that. In fact, by emphasizing
"positivity" while excluding "negativity" you only make things worse.
If you don't allow problems to enter your conscious mind, the latter will accumulate in
your unconscious shadow*
* It is inherent to the process of
identification. It is always excluding the opposite pole. Hence, in (genuine) spirituality
not identification (with an image, concept or idea), but realization - to be who you
Really Are - is central.
The more "positive" you try to be, the
stronger your shadow will become. Until a critical "mass" is reached. Then,
mostly totally unexpected - any minor provocation will do - the volcano erupts. All your
accumulated pain, fear, disappointments and anger suddenly come to the open. Overnight
your "harmony" turns into frustration, bitterness and indeed.....negativity. Of
course, your minister will be the first to "help" you turning your
"moods" into "positivity", once again.....
* For centuries the Church has lived from
"sin". Now they live from "negativity", while non-Christian teachings
live from "karma" f.i. Everybody has to make a living, after all!
Or it doesn't erupt.Your self-control is simply
too strong. These are the people, who at the surface display "positivity", while
secretly poisoning their surroundings with jalousy, manipulations, gossiping, telling lies
and insidious underground warfare. Obviously, I also very much wish, that you may have a
joyful life. My entire work is dedicated to it. The way is different, though.*
* About the practical part of becoming
Whole, see f.i.: "Emotional self-integration"
Yesterday night I gave a talk titled
"Burn-out, end or new beginning?" It is about the dead end people are in. The
way out is simple: the Truth and nothing but the Truth.
A dream gave me a taste about our current
situation. Together with some others I was walking in a polluted stream. All kinds of
nasty things were in the water: worms, snakes, deformed fishes, little monsters of all
kinds. Suddenly, somebody sank into the mud. With great effort I could rescue him.
Next scene. In town there was a huge "state
parking garage". Inside, thousands of people had their vehicles parked. All at once,
people came from all corners, rushing to their cars. Within minutes they all drove out.
Leaving a desolate empty building behind.
Who is going to follow me in healing the
You may already make a start.
Sovereign Living/Souverän Leben/Soeverein Leven
Some of you maybe curious about my "playing the
fool". Did I manage it? Well, first of all, I "played" "God's
Fool" already in my 10 years of uninterrupted Bliss (1977-1987). It was sheer
innocence, bestowed on me by Grace. In the mean time, 20 years have passed, truly a period
of trial and error. Now, my mission is to restore the original innocence, this time
including all aspects of my personality. Hard work and trust in the Mother combined is
bringing this about.
Do you remember yesterday? Where I felt hesitation to poke
fun at the Mother? Well, the Mother - being All-Embracing - "would have no problem
whatsoever" by accepting everything, without exception. In fact, that is what She is
doing all the time. So, what was behind my reluctance? You guess it, finding it difficult
to poke fun at myself!
I acknowledge, that at times I am too serious about myself,
my role and my mission. I am too much identified with them. To such an extent, that I
loose my inner freedom. Playfulness, love and laughter - inherent to my True Self - then
disappear behind the clouds of my effort. "Compared to others"....it isn't that
bad (at all) (haha). But it simply feels too heavy, sometimes.
The Mother helps me by letting me remember. By realizing my
situation, I at once jump back into the HereNow. Without any effort. Sticking to the
Moment, clarity, joy, compassion, sharing and celebration - all symptoms of true
"foolishness" - are immediately taking possession of me. It strenghtens my
resolve to continue Mother's work on earth.
Become Mother's Fool!
To my yesterday's lecture only five people attended.
Normally, I really don't care how many people come to me. I am not obsessed with
"results", at all*. This time I felt vulnerable, though. I am
"investing" already for such a long time. The resonance is still disappointing.
I felt, that even my friends are "pulling out". Some support came from
predecessors in the past. I remembered Jesus and Teresa of Avila, both complaining of
being let down by their closest allies.
* NB. Not clinging to results is the main teaching of
the Bhagavat Gita.
The way I "solved my problem" wasn't very fair. I
started reminding MeiMei about the fact, that she had promised to organize the meetings.
In practice, almost nothing had been done in that regard. Hence, the poor results. In such
a situation I can really nag. Of course, I felt deeply sorry about it. In fact, my inner
child felt lonely, begging for some sympathy e.g. attention.
Especially in situations that matter the Mother would
immediately interfere. This time I got the following dream.
I found myself in a train about to depart. MeiMei was
standing outside, waving goodby to me. She looked very beautiful, alive and compassionate.
Suddenly, she jumped on the outside of my compartment, while the train was already moving,
opening the window, saying that she would be there for me in the evening.
I was very concerned, shouting to her that she should jump
off the train, something she did at last. In the train I subsequently searched for my
suitcase, looking everywhere. I searched a corner where children were playing. Nothing.
There wasn't one! Suddenly, I realized that I was on a train with unknown destination,
without any means, whatsoever. I had nothing to fall back on.
Am I the only one, who is receiving such unique guidance?
Actually, I don't believe so. Mother's compassion is including everyone and everything. So
many more people must have similar experiences. That is a comforting thought. In my case,
the dream showed me the way I have to to go: into the unknown, without any pre-conceived
ideas or plans.
To depart in order to come home, once again.
December 15, 1999
Yesterday a real breakthrough happened. Even now the dream is
still very much clear and alive. Which is a sign of its originality.
"Archetypical" dreams are corresponding with your deeper levels. Through them
you become aware of your inner wisdom, they empower you. It shows you the way out of a
stalemate. In my case it was "to go into the unknown".
Deep within I knew the truth about it. However, the surface
is resisting change. Your small self - in my case complacency, lack of courage, laziness -
doesn't want to be disturbed. So, your inner Truth helps you to overcome the obstacles.
It strenghtened my mission. In a way, the Mother has made me
more "independent". Its like eagle parents do. Once the young is able to fly,
they reject it. By cutting the dependency, the young has to start hunting for
him/herself. Heinrich Seuse (Suso), German mystic from the 14th century, had a similar
experience. After having been under the guidance of "Eternal Wisdom" (Mother
Sophia) for a long time, She one day said to him "Heinrich, from now on, be a
man". It is the spiritual rebirth of masculinity.
So, am I ready? A good omen of being on the right track is,
that the Cosmos starts "cooperating with you" (actually, the other way round).
F.i. the fact, that we couldn't start a spiritual center here - which initially was a big
disappointment - proves as being auspicious, for now I start spreading the message
worldwide. After a long time of stagnation, somebody offered to translate my spiritual
autobiography into English. Moreover, two different people invited me to do teachings in
Let's empower each other!
To be confronted with nothingness is the fear of Western
society. It is existential. In particular, men suffer from it. Aristotle rejected it,
Augustin equalled it with the "Devil". (He was "right", because the
"Devil" is a Christian deformation of the Original Mother!). In the Renaissance,
"horror vacui" expressed what was felt in society, at large. Actually, it is the
fear of the (male) ego to lapse into the womb of the mother. Subsequently, this is
projected into the Divine Realm. There, it is the fear to be confronted with Absolute
O, irony, in order to avoid the (Empty) Ultimate, all kinds
of images, concepts, rituals and theologies are created. Hence, religion is a collective
attempt NOT to be confronted with God.....As an invocation it beats about the bush. But
not only that. Fear of "looking back" (falling back into the womb) is the cause
of our obsessive pre-occupation with the future. Because ANGST is the engine behind, the
belief in "progress" is a matter of "life or death". Watch the
nervousness of CEO's, when the monthly growth figures are dropping!
Overcoming our existential fear is indeed a matter of life or
death, for the former is destroying the entire earth. It is projected in
"progress", "growth", "profit", "expansion" and
ultimately destruction. There is a saying: "the cause of your fear is your
redemption". If this is true (and it is), then there will be no other way, but to
confront nothingness. It is the modern variant of (male) heroism: the Search for the Dark
Womb. It is the successor of the Hellenistic Mystery Religions, later popping up as the
Quest for the Holy Grail. With mankind finding itself in the midst of he greatest crisis
ever, the Great Mother has revealed Herself to the world*. Isn't that a miracle?
* See: "Threefold
Realization" and "Universal Message"
The Cosmic Womb isn't that ultimate horror, people are so
afraid of. On the contrary. It proves to be the "Cauldron of Regeneration" in
which everything accumulated, old, sick and ugly is broken down, in order for new life to
emerge. Only those, who go through Darkness will be truly reborn.* Once we start
cooperating with Her, continuous renewal will be our share. The maternal "aura"
facilitates this. With nothingness being an All-Embracing Womb - giving us eternal
security - surrendering to Her will be much more easy. You start trusting Her. It gets
even with the stories, that say, that being a "MotherWorshipper" is only for the
meak and weak. Nothing is further from the Truth!**
** Moreover, men who surrender to the Mother become
less depending on their earthly wives. The more he gives his troubles back to Her, the
greater the relief for his close relatives. Moreover, in history, countless great men got
their wisdom, trust, strength, resolve and compassion through the Mother, from the ancient
sacred kings, Dionysos, Jesus (....), the Teutonic Order, Parzival, Bernard of Clairveaux
to the Knights Templar, the followers of the Black Madonna and Ignace of Loyola. See: "Green Men" and "HisStory"
Become a hero!
It is not an exaggeration to say, that our entire culture is
built on the denial of our Maternal Origin. In Reality, Light is born out of Darkness.
Because this was a too frightening idea, Darkness was dethroned from its superior
position*. Fear had to be neutralized. Hence, Darkness became Light's opposite. Why?
Because as opposite (opponent!), it paved the way for patriarchy to combat it. Ever since,
the "struggle of the Light against Darkness" has been dominating thoughts and
* In the Enuma Enlil, the Babylonian myth (1200 BCE),
in which Mother Tiamat was destroyed by the God Marduk. Continued by Jahweh, who in his
turn, finally defeated the Canaanite MotherGoddess (a.o. Asherah).
Until this very day. It is the foundation of patriarchy and
the discrimination of women. But also that of the "German master race" against
the "Untermenschen", the Jews. It explains the ruthlessness with which
technology is destroying nature, replacing it by its artificial e.g. virtual ersatz-world.
These examples are all part of the same pattern: the struggle of a "superior"
against an "inferior" underlying principle, having its origin in fear of the
unknown. Even respected writers seem to be ignorant in this regard. They merrily go on
propagating "Knight of the Light" crusades**.
* F.i. in one of the Gnostic Gospels God is boasting
about the fact, that he created the world. The Mother interferes, shouting to him
** F.i. Paulo Coelho "Warriors of
And this goes on. Identification with "the light",
while denouncing the forces of "darkness", is the engine behind fundamentalism,
especially the Christian variety. In the mean time, there are many millions of them, not
only in the USA, but also in the "Third World" f.i.. Don't denounce them too
soon as "primitive", for what to say of modernity, with its worship of
"reason against the forces of irrationality and superstition" (meaning
everything that is "not reason"). They both have a common denominator: the male
* Including all those women, who have identified
themselves with the patriarchal mind.
"What you exclude will (one day) dominate you". The
fears are projected in all kinds of horror-scenario's. Not for nothing is the US top
producer in these kind of stories. It culminates in the "vision" of the
Apokalypse. Do we really want to continue this kind of thing? What, people ask me, could
be the solution?
Darkness is NOT your enemy. It is the Womb of God and the
entire universe, yourself included. Acknowledge Her as the Primordial Ground of existence.
Be grateful to the birthgiver. Only to discover, that Light and Darkness aren't opposites,
but that the former is born out of the latter. God is the LightBody of the Mother! By
realizing this, Cosmic Balance will be restored. Deep fear will dissolve and for he first
time you will be at peace with yourself and your surroundings.
Moreover, destruction is not a tool of a revengeful
"God", punishing the "disbelievers". Actually, this whole idea is a
gross misinterpretation of the original Mother religion!!! John of Patmos (who wrote the
book of Revelation) was a disturbed man. His mind was poisoned by fear of the Eternal
Feminine. Death, rebirth and permanence, on the other hand, are an expression of
Mother's Law of the Universe. It is all about natural balances. By living in harmony with
this Law, peace, harmony and joy will prevail.
There are thus two types of heroes. One embracing Darkness,
the other fighting against it. Which type are you?
Can the earth still be saved?
December 16, 1999
Yesterday, I was a little bored with reading an article about
"realizing your (personal) goal in life". Typically an example of a
self-centered hype, I thought. In the evening, during my Night meditation, I remembered
what I had read. A question popped up: "What is it that I want to realize in
life?" I was astonished, for this question never occurred to me before. Slowly, it
started to intrigue me. I decided to ask the Mother about it.
I got the following dream. A big package was sent to me. As I
unwrapped it a quadrangular chest came out. I looked at it from all sides, trying to find
an opening. There wasn't any. The chest was totally solid without any clue how to get in.
In the mean time, I was accompanied by two ladies: my ex and
a new girlfriend. They were always around me. In the street, in the shop and in the park.
The girlfriend was young and attractive. I gave her a brief kiss on her cheek. The
ex reacted jalously. She started to claim me more and more. At last I separated from her.
Krishnamurti invited me to meet him. He was already old and
stayed in a countryside holiday hotel, crowded with common people, everything breathing an
amiable atmosphere. I approached the table where he was supposed to have his lunch. He
wasn't there. Don't worry his friends said to me: "he certainly will be back in half
Conclusion. I should not ask about "my goal in
life", but cherish it as a treasure, a secret. Isn't that VERY beautiful?
Furthermore: the ladies symbolize my "soul", the anima in me. The ex wants to
impose her old patterns on me, while the girlfriend stimulates me to follow my intuition.
It is reflecting the situation I am in. I indeed act according to my "spiritual
insights", instead out of spontaneity.
Krishnamurti was old and had retired. Did he want to meet his
"successor?" Was the appointment with him indicative for my future role? If this
is the case, then at least the time isn't ripe, yet. I have to be patient (30 minutes
haha). Eventually, everything will fall in its place, though.
Who said, spiritual life is boring?
December 17, 1999
The last couple of days we had high pressure weather.
Especially yesterday was very beautiful, sunny and with a clear blue sky. This kind of
weather always makes me happy, giving me more energy. So, I was out for a walk along the
river and in the forest. It reminded me of my stay in LA, summer 2006. Life is very
pleasant over there (unless you have too much work stress!). How privileged people are to
live in such an environment!
Our window with a copy of the Black Madonna
of Rocamadour (France). You can see
the river as well as the forest
As you will have understood, all surprises in my life
originate from the interaction between me and the Mother. So, I think it is time, that I
tell you a little more of how to establish a relationship with Her. The first step could
be to try to understand Her True Nature with your mind. This isn't really very difficult.
As you know, the Ultimate can be visualized as a Vacuum, a Cosmic Womb, from which
everything originates, while everything continuously returning to Her. Studying
"vacuum physics" may help. Watching the firmament in the evening, you can easily
imagine it to be a Womb in which we all live.
The second step could be, that you approach the Mother with
your heart. Gratefulness is the key here. You owe your whole life to Her. How privileged
you are to enjoy nature, Her web of life. How absolutely wonderful it is how everything is
interconnected. You may remember special experiences. Maybe you have special feelings
about your earthly mother, as well. Perhaps feelings of regret of having taken her
sacrifice, dedication and effort for granted or the opposite, realizing her love she has
for you. Maybe you acknowledge, how the maternal dimension of life has been neglected,
nay, suppressed in our society.
If this has given you enough ground for further steps, then
you can start to become aware of Her Presence. F.i. through body awareness. Throughout the
day, you watch and feel your skin in contact with your clothes. The advantage: it is very
pleasant, it doesn't take you any effort and you can do it continuously, regardless of the
situation. Once this "feeling awareness" is sufficiently stabilized, you extend
it by feeling contact with the surrounding space. Additional visualization can be helpful
in this regard. It consists of imagening the surrounding space as the LightBody of Her
all-embracing Womb, giving you total security*. Depending on your mood, you may add a
mantra to it, f.i. "Mother, have mercy upon me".
* Or visualize the "Mother Mandala" of
These are the basics. While tuning in you'll certainly
discover your own creative way of extending your relationship with the Mother. Through
this Blog you have a taste of how varied and adventurous this Path is. Different mantra's
can be added. And not to forget the Night Meditation, which I have already elaborated
upon. Daily contemplation e.g. prayer - just start talking to Her, in a most open, honest
and dedicated way - is a vital component of the Worship. Give in to the needs and feelings
of the Moment. If you feel the urge to prostrate yourself for Her, do it immediately.
Don't say "I have no time right now, I' ll do it tonight". The same with singing
In case of doubt, allow yourself an experiment. For three
months you just take the "hypothesis of the Ultimate as a Mother" as
self-evident. You start a role-play with Her, doing all the above-mentioned things. During
that time, you just watch "what She is doing with you".
December 18, 1999
Everybody, without exception, knows it
if we go on like we do
we have no chance of surviving our ordeal
normality proves to be a sickness
leading to destruction of the earth
as we know it
what would be more logic
but spiritual people recognizing
this fact, this crisis without precedence
isn't spirituality all about becoming aware
transforming your life
while subsequently serving the Whole?
where are they, those spiritual people
who follow the call of the cosmos
have you seen them recently?
rather than committing themselves
they use spirituality
for their own petty benefits
this world has been turned upside down
it is a wasteland covered by weeds
people are addicted, nay paralysed
forgetting who they are and why they are here
dying before they die
the smell of graveyard is everywhere
So, is there still hope?
a few courageous people would already
be enough to start all over again
let us thus come together
to create a New Heaven, a New Earth
and a New Community
Last night I had the following dream. I was
playing hockey with a couple of people. Being in top-form I scored some incredibly
beautiful goals. Goals as you see them only once in ten years. People cheered and were out
of their minds.
I knew better though. One of the players was an
old friend, with whom I had broken up. Secretly I watched his activitities, the latter
including all kinds of charity projects. He organized pilgrimages for the sick and
foodpackages for the homeless.
In the last scene I found myself in a shrift
shop. Many people has brought things in. They were all stored on shelves. Almost all
shelves were already loaded with things. Only my corner appeared to be empty, still.
Finally, everybody in the shop were offered cakes. I was the last who got one.....
Over the years, when it came to the extent of my
compassion the Mother showed Her unrelenting face. She is very dissatisfied with me in
this regard. This dream is just one of many. It says, that even if you are a top talent,
but doesn't possess compassion.....How stubborn I am. Is this the reason why the Mother
still lets me suffer?
Before I lament about others I better look at
Thanks a lot, Mother.
My background was highly unfavorable in this
regard*. After the first two years of having enjoyed the love and care of my mother, a
little brother was born. "Instantly" the care shifted totally to him. It was
war, my mother was weak, recovering from her second cesarean and my brother was
vulnerable. I had the overwhelming feeling of being abandoned.
* My autobiography "Song of
Perfection" will be translated into English shortly. Until then you may see "Autobiography".
In the years that followed, I totally shut
myself off. Actually, I continuously mourned about the loss. Moreover, my little brother
had managed to totally take up mother's time. At my costs. So I was filled with resentment
or worse. At the same time, my mother started to put a rigid educational regime on me. I
had to totally answer to her (very high) ideals.
As far as I remember, during fifty years or so,
my mother has NEVER asked me about MY feelings, desires or interests. Only reprimanding
and condemning me. So, I never felt any loving support. Summarizing: while I was forced to
comply with highly idealistic goals, at the same time, I was cut off from any nourishing
source. I got stuck between the need to be myself and to give myself away.
That's why my healing process takes up an entire
life. It is something I have always felt. The last part of my life will be the highlight.
Finally, I will reach maturity (haha). In the mean time, I receive the unlimited Love of
the Eternal Mother. Isn't that a miracle? What I had to do without, She has given me back
a thousand times*.
* So, who said I had an "unfavorable
I don't have to be a source to myself, anymore.
She has become my Unlimited Source, instead. To always realizing this, is the gate to the
Way, Truth and Life.
I pray for all those who are worse off than me.
December 19, 1999
In the mean time, I hear those voices, saying
"see, this is typically someone, who has projected his mother-complex into the
Transcendence. It explains why he calls God "Mother". It is his way of coping
with his pain. This whole story is an example of how religious delusions are born. Food
for psychologists, really".*
Terrible Mother" and "The Mother
Let me proceed to the order of the day. This
month, I promised to share some teaching with you. The core is MotherWorship. This part I
have elaborated upon, already, though. However, not everyone wants to step into devotion
and surrender. For many this would be a bridge too far. That's why The Universal Way has
been created. It includes a sequence of steps more adapted to the situation most people
are in. So, I'll start with the beginning.
The Universal Way includes
various phases of the spiritual Path, like they were granted to me in the course of time.
It is life itself. Elements of all spiritual traditions can be recognized in it. It has
much relationship with the Grail legend, the latter which - against the context of the
current world crisis - only gained actuality.
The true Way shows a spiral
movement. One once and again passes through the same phases, in our case: awakening,
personal integration, being rooted in Heaven and Earth, breakthrough of the Light, purification/catharsis,
taking refuge in the Ultimate and compassion e.g. service, in which every phase is being
confronted by new challenges. With every new opening (of the Spirit) new contents come up
which initiate a new cycle of consciousness, mostly on a "higher" level. Every
problem is matched by corresponding grace and vice versa.
It often begins with the pain
of alienation and the subsequent longing for wholeness. This is leading toward
"awakening", which is equal to giving up your unconscious identification with
your self-image (ego). You discover who you really are: your inner observing (Step 1).
Because of the inner distance with regard to everything that comes up in you - thoughts,
images, emotions, desires - contents that were previously suppressed pop up in your newly
created space. Hence the next phase of "personal integration", in which these
contents are still being embraced (Step 2).
Through step by step extension
of consciousness, your (direct) surroundings will - at a certain moment - become part of
your "inner" Space, as well. You then love the tree like yourself....This
coincides with Step 3 of "being rooted in Heaven and Earth". Only then a solid
foundation will be laid, on the basis of which a "Breakthrough of the Light" can
It is the phase of
intensive meditation (Step 4). However, even then "you haven't arrived". Because
of your openess, strong unprocessed complexes - egotism, pain, angst, rage - may suck
energies, blowing themselves up: dark clouds against an empty sky. They can become so
strong, that at a given moment they start dominating you. It makes the next phase -
"purification/ catharsis" - a must (Step 5). Is everything going well, though,
then sooner or later you will arrive at a boundary, where the "I" has
You yourself can't do anything
anymore to proceed with the process. It is the phase of "surrendering to the
Ultimate". Devotion replaces active striving (Step 6). The crown to the Way is the
experience, that by being Nothing you are (embracing) everything, that, moreover, the
Ultimate is so transparent, that "the mountains are again the mountains". The
only thing worth living is inclusivity e.g. service toward all "sentient and
non-sentient beings" (Step 7).*
* Every step can be considered
a growth in compassion.
sometimes the beauty of life is so
that I burst out in tears
I so much love the music, the dance, the people, nature
my sobbing is unstoppable
For an overview,
see "The Universal Way"
December 20, 1999
While waking up I had a familiar pressure in my
head. No clarity whatsoever. This I recognize immediately: indigestion and self-poisoning
during the night, this time due to too spicy food. The dream was in accordance to it. It
typically was a dream as I used to have them. This time both an ex-girlfriend, my brother,
a class with students and my parents all expressed their "concern"
about the fact, that I didn't adjust to "common norms and values". They
relentlessly criticized my spiritual Path. At last I got so fed up, that I knocked over
the chairs my parents were sitting on....
This Blog is about "Living with the
Ultimate". So I have to give way to what is happening, instead of going on with my
teaching as I planned it. Two things can be learned from the dream. First, choosing the
spiritual Path is not always without friction. You may come up against lack of
understanding. Or worse. Especially those who are near to you may respond with sheer
resistance. They have always relied on you as you were, deriving their security from the
status quo. Once you change, this - they feel - all ceases. No one can give you a solution
to this your problem. It all depends on you, your relationship and the situation.
Friends may start abandoning you. It can be the
beginning of a time, in which you feel (very) lonely. On the other hand, you may feel the
relationships you're in increasingly meaningless. In this case, it may be you who break
them off. Anyway, realize, that both ways create space for the New to bud. Sooner or later
your life will regain meaning, this time it will be much more fulfilling. People start
resonating with your new wavelength. New friendships will emerge. The reward is a new era
Secondly, what we can learn here is, that in
Consciousness all experiences are stored. Despite your level of awareness. Even after
Enlightenment they still prove to be there. It gets even with all those theories, that
say, that once Realized, your past will be behind you. Surely, the sharp edges will often
be weared off. It is a sign that they have become part of the Whole. The good news is,
that this insight will liberate you from the false idea e.g. obsession...., that you
(first) have "to get rid of all impurities" in order to become
Another thing is the impact food and digestion
can have on your clarity of mind, your emotions (moods), dreams and thinking. This can be
quite considerable. First of all, it is good to know that it exists. It prevents you from
too much scrutinizing your "spiritual progress". On the other hand, it gives you
the opportunity to improve your health. Emotional factors may be involved (overeating!) or
indeed physical malfunctioning. Many people have some degree of indigestion. It is a
chance to improve your diet e.g. eating habits.*
* See: www.vitalworld.org, chapter "Personal Health
Restoring the Wholeness of Life.
December 21, 1999
Last night snow fell. Looking out of the window,
everything is white. A haze is covering the land. It is a kind of dream-state. The only
noise comes from geese in the river. They happen to be white too. Magic!
Friends. Let's elaborate on The Universal Way* a
little. The first step is Awakening. In order to become fruitful a strong drive is needed.
Unlike patriarchal philosophies, saying that "life is suffering", I emphasize
the opposite: "being cut off from life is suffering". Isn't our existential
situation characterized by alienation, not only from our True Self, but also from our
bodies and nature, from our deeper emotions, our femininity, our strength and our fellow
* Summaries in YouTube: www.youtube.com/healingtheplanet
The more you let in the pain of this your
alienation, the stronger the longing for Wholeness! How valuable pain is! Without it, your
heart remains lukewarm and your Path always between two stools. What you need is a firm
resolve. It is needed to overcome the many obstacles. Unexpectedly, you are receiving some
help from "outside". It is the global crisis.
This crisis is the result of our ego-addiction.
So, you cannot just denounce it by saying that this is "the outside world",
having nothing to do with your "inner life". On the contrary! The destruction of
the world is due to our ignorance, greed, addictions and stupidities. "To have is the
inability to Be". So, our inner state of mind is directly reflected by our
environment. Within is without. It is a test for the genuinity of your Path.
Nobody feels any pain? Ask the tigers, the
birds, the butterflies, the trees, the flowers, the rivers, the oceans, the atmosphere
and.....your own children! Not to forget the children of the Third World, the oppressed,
the exploited, the raped, the poor, the hungry and the displaced. Maybe you begin with
asking their forgiveness.....
Apart from regret about your personal omissions,
the realization, that "this cannot go on anymore" can be very helpful for you to
TURN ON. Everybody agrees: "the cause of the mess is the way we live". Normality
is the disease!!! To really discover this can be quite shocking, though. Please, take some
time to get this across. Let it penetrate your whole being. Feel the pain, the unbelief
and also your resistance. Does this mean, that we have to (dramatically) change our
Only when you include the world intelligent
responses are possible. So, come out of your "shell, cave, bunker or (golden)
cage". Become alive by confronting yourself. Don't remain at the sideline. By doing
this, you will discover that your life regains meaning, once again. The challenge is your
liberation. Forgetting yourself by being dedicated to the Whole, brings you back to life.
Start to fly with the wings of commitment, joy and the spirit of cooperation.
Come out to get in.
Awakening itself appears to be a piece of cake.
"Normally" you are caught by thoughts, emotions and desires. To such an extent,
that you don't know this your "You". Your Real Self is permanently covered by
clouds. To be dominated by problems is sucking a lot of energy away. It is the basic cause
of stress, fatigue and burn-out. Blessed are those, who end up in a dead end. They have no
choice but to change. Their longing for renewal will be genuine. They know the hell of an
ego-centric lifestyle from experience.
In practice, body-relaxation is essential. By
doing so, the stress in your head will slowly become less. Without restoring contact
with the body first, your "mindfulness" will be based on will-power, e.g.
self-effort, only. Very soon you will get exhausted. Before becoming mindful of anything,
you have to restore contact with your own body first, though. Take any activity. Before
starting to wash the dishes, you first of all become open to the sensations of your feet
in contact with the floor. Watch and feel.
If that has established itself, then you start
feeling your breathing. Once you are tuned in, then - while keeping "feeling
contact" with both your feet and breathing - you start washing the dishes. The
surprise: not you but your "aware body" is doing the dishes! Instead of getting
exhausted, the energy is sheer inexhaustible. Often you feel, that IT has taken over. How
joyful this is! Body relaxation and the growth of inner Space appear to be two sides of
the same coin.
You do the same, while sitting on a chair. After
the basic conditions are fulfilled, you then start to watch the inside of your eyelids.
You watch them like you watch TV. You realize: "I am here and my eyelids are
there". Sooner or later, thoughts will appear on the screen in front of you. You
realize that there is an inner distance between you, the observer, and the observed.
Previously, your thoughts, emotions and desires
were your "within". By "stepping back" they are replaced by your
watching. A new situation has replaced the old. Your inner observer - your True Self - is
your within, while your thoughts etc. appear to be on the periphery. While staying where
your are - in your inner Center - the objects of the Mind come and go. Conclusion, I am
NOT my thoughts, emotions and desires.
It is the first step towards liberation: I am
here and my problems are there. To have problems is not the problem, but to be dominated
by them, is.
For many this is the end station. They are so
happy to have got rid of trouble. So they start to identify themselves with their state of
being. They start cultivating it. Their aim is to disengage from the world. By doing so,
they bring about a split between the "inner" and the "outer".
Eventually, the "inner world" is the only realm left. With disdain they look
down on those who are still "attached to the world". How "impure" the
latter still are! Actually, it is them going round in circles. Locked up in their
"golden" cage, they prove to be immune to the call to further liberate
Friends, don't be fooled with a fake liberation.
Remain free. By not fixing yourself to any state of mind, but always making once again
space for the HereNow, awareness will be further expanding. Your inner Center will become
more and more spatial. If it becomes more spatial, then - sooner or later - thoughts, that
previously appeared in front of you, will be included by your extended Mind, they have
become content of your inner Space. O, irony, thoughts, emotions and desires are again
within You. However, not locked up somewhere down below, unconsciously, but as free
objects in a free Space.
Last but not least. Longing for homecoming helps
too. Some feel it, others don't. In fact, it is Mother's Vacuum that draws you within. By
realizing this you start giving in to "Mother's longing". By "dying to the
old" - giving up the (unconscious) identification with your small self, your
self-image and your self-centeredness - you will be reborn as a New (Wo)Man.
The Path of Self-Realization and the Path of
Surrender are complementing each other.
To be continued by Step 2: "Personal
December 22, 1999
When I was a boy, I had a great passion: being
in nature and bird watching. My parents had a (very) smal piece of forest. It was my first
true home. I also went to the beach and the dunes regularly (at the time of the migration
f.i.) and to natural parks in France and Switzerland. Now, after many decades, I have the
privilege of living in nature, once again. It is a very happy coincidence*, indeed.
* Yesterday I saw a king fisher, a
beautiful "mergus serrator" (duck family, I don't know the English name) with
glancing creme/yellow and black colors (very rare) and an owl, all within 50 meters from
our home. Incredible!
After my "Threefold Realization" and
the subsequent 10 years of uninterrupted Bliss (1977-1987) I spend a lot of time in
nature, as well. The difference was, that I changed home frequently. Sometimes I didn't
have any home, at all. It was a most carefree time, roaming around like "God's
Fool". Actually, I lived in the Eternal Moment, hence, looking back I don't remember
too many details.*
* Eternity is the Realm of the Great
Oblivion. Joke: "Who still wants to go to Heaven?"
Isn't that strange? The moments in which you are
most happy leave no trace. Ten years! thus seem to have been passed like a flash. Not to
be recommended to those, who still want to have many dear memories when they are old
(haha). To the mind this is all "wasted time". What I remember most is my stay
in nature. It was there, where I wrote most of my poems*.
* Unfortunately, most are (still) in
Dutch only. See: "Omniversen". For an English
excerpt: see "Spiritual poems".
At that time, I wrote the following
introduction to one of the chapters.
I, the Great Mother, the Vacuum, the Cosmic
Womb, the Unfathomable Depth of the universe, in the bottomless Turning Point of
Non-Doing, says to you: the entire visible world finds its origin in Me, without Me
bringing it about. Everything originates in Me despite Myself and returns to Me: both the
Divine, the Light, Being as well as the flowers, the plants, the grass, the trees, the
rocks, the rivers, the clouds and the sees are all expressions of My Non-Activity.
The universe is "My Mystic Body", it
is an uninterrupted celebration of My Omnipresence. The visible is the substance of the
Invisible, the temporary is the incarnation of the Eternal. People also. They are my
spitting image in two ways. Like everything else, their spirits are in My Spirit, while
their bodies are in My Body. Therefore, revere, serve, experience and realize Me in a
twofold way. Listen now to my spokesman:
while walking through the grass
in community with the trees
my hands coming together for a greeting
I know that I am at Home here
(First of 24 stanza's)
See: "Omniverses" (Dutch)
Rejoice, we have no choice.
December 23, 1999
Last month I started writing about Africa. I
shared my enthusiasm about the manifold learning possibilities. Most white people are very
biased about the continent. This has several reasons. First of all, due to the continuous
bombardment of negative reports of the media. Africa is portrayed as a "corner",
that is repulsive for its poverty, its dangerous epidemics, its violence, its primitive
tribal societies, its corruption and of course its blackness.
Obviously, Africa has many problems, indeed.
Some are reason for great despair. So, it is not that I underestimate them, at all. My
concern is about the fact, that when only problems are emphasized, the negative spiral
will be unstoppable. A breakthrough is needed. Despite all the misery, we have to start
seeing the great, unique, positive and inspiring side of Africa. Of course, this is
something African people have to do themselves in the first place.
We have been brain-washed with the idea, that
Africans still have a lot to learn (of course, from us...). It hardly comes to our mind,
that we can learn a lot from them. Some of us have learned about the failure of our
"development aid", though. How, for every dollar (euro) that goes in, a manifold
is taken out. Exploitation in "disguise". Overall, I think, contacts with Afica
are on a too narrow basis. It is all dominated by economics. On the other hand, real
development happens, when all sectors of society start flowering.
I like to introduce an entirely new project:
Mother Africa Pilgrimages. It started with the question: "what can we (whites) learn
from Africa?" Once I began this astounding journey I discovered one treasure after
the other. So, what is it that can be learned from Mother Africa?
Let's start with the spiritual realm. The most
important breakthrough is the Revelation of the Ultimate as a Vacuum, a Cosmic Womb.*
Everything, without exception, including the Divine (Light) as well as the universe are
originating from Her. "Darkness precedes Light" (inscrption in Salerno
Cathedral, Italy). Hence, the Origin of all life is Black. In pre-Christian era this was
called the Great Mother. She has left Her traces in the Black Madonna's of Europe.
* See: "Threefold
Realization", "HerStory" and "Black Madonna of Einsiedeln"
Moreover, science has demonstrated, that the
whole of mankind descends from one common African ancestor: Black Eve. Spirituality and
history are coming together here. First aim of our Mother Africa Pilgrimage: to pay our
respect to our common ancestor: the Great Black Mother.
Ever since, whites have denied their spiritual
and human ancestry. They started to suppress Darkness in favor of the Light. "Christ,
who is bringing Light into Darkness". Darkness became the shadow of the white soul.
It served as a store house of everything ugly, fearful, detestable and sinful. Indeed,
synonymous to the Devil. Subsequently, they started fighting against it. It is the
foundation of every crusade of every kind, undertaken in the name of
On the psychological level, Africa could help us
to become aware of our projections. Through close contact with Africans we have the
opportunity to still integrate our "shadow". This to the benefit of both
Africans and ourselves.
People from the Third World and in particular
Africa suffer most from the climate crisis e.g. environmental degradation. We, the rich
countries are the cause, though. It should commit us to do something. One of the
priorities is to adopt a much more simple lifestyle. We have to learn voluntary
simplicity. I was born in the war (WW ll), so, I remember how it was at that time. The
positive side: a strong community feeling, mutual help and....much less disease.
Again, Africa could be our teacher here. Rather
than pitying her for it, we could emphasize the positive side of living with little and
still surviving on it. While we learn, Africans will appreciate our attitude in this
Africa used to be a matriarchy. Still, quite
some tribal societies have a matrilinear structure, in which names, status and possessions
are handed over via women. Still, women occupy important roles in society. It is common,
that women are the main advisors, the peace bringers, taking care of the coherence of the
tribe and the ones that take care of the land and the economy. Sometimes, the energy of
women inspires men, as well. The best societies are those, where both sexes cooperate.
Western societies are in decay. One of the
symptoms is the disintegration of the community. Obviously, Africa also suffers from it.
Still, there is a big difference. What we can learn from the African situation is how to
re-integrate our communities. In which women, once again, play a major role.
The curse of Western society is its
individualism and materialism. Alienated from our True Selves, from our bodies and nature,
from our deeper emotions, our femininity, our strength and our fellow human beings....we
are totally "thrown upon ourselves". Our deepest longing is for Wholeness on all
levels. Restoring contact with nature is one of our major concerns. Africa - with its
overwhelming natural beauty - could help us in healing these (self-inflicted!) wounds.
Summarizing. Africa proves to be a great Teacher
to the West. It requires an open mind, a sympathetic heart and a willingness to learn.
Mother Africa Pilgrimages could play an important role in this regard. We are especially
keen on the mutuality of the project. In the spiritual tradition students have to
contribute to the (material) wellbeing of the teacher. It is a token of respect,
dedication and gratitude. This could open a entirely new perspective to African-Western
relationships. So, what could we Westeners contribute?
Our emphasis lies on spirituality, women and
health. By paying respect to the Original Black Mother we support African Traditional
Religions in their struggle to survive. (Women also struggle for an equal position in the
established churches). We will subsequently contribute to all those efforts, that try to
provide prosperity to families e.g. communities. We do that by supporting all kinds of
local (women) initiatives: in the area of the economy, ecology, (organic) agriculture,
community and education. Last but not least, we will help with introducing
holistic/biological/natural health care.
It is in this field, that we can offer most. It
is based on more than 35 years of expertise. Obviously, we know about the critical
situation Africa is in with regard to health care. Its main problems are related to
economic exploitation, ecological degradation, corruption, poverty and under-nourishment.
All these facors combined cause a weak immune system. Hence, all kinds of epidemics having
a devastating effect. In the media it is suggested, that only Western (technological)
medicine can have some impact in containing the worse effects.
Nothing is further from the truth, though.
Holistic medicine can make a big difference in Africa. The atmosphere has been blurred,
because of some amateurish attempts to cure HIV/AIDS with herbs and vegetables. What is
probably unknown to Africa is, that especially Europe has a long and established tradition
of Traditional Medicine. F.i. Germany's record is unique in this regard. During many
centuries it developed a standard that fully complies with academic demands. Rule is, that
we cure diseases (hypertension, diabetes, artrosis, cancer, etc.etc.), where regular
As a pioneer I want to offer my expertise to
Africa. It consists of 1. proposals for a structural re-organization of health care, 2. a
new scientific approach based on medical system theory, 3. a contribution to health
education and prevention and finally 4. support for the curative sector, e.g.
strengthening the immune system of the people through "Flow System Therapy".*
All therapies include self e.g. mutual help, a
natural approach without side-effects, accordance with local traditional views and
practices, cost-effectiveness, a joy for those who put them into practice and a new
foundation of community health.
* See: www.vitalworld.org, a.o. chapter "Flow System
Therapy", "World Health Care" and "Natural Therapy for the Third
Are you interested in participating to our
Mother Africa Pilgrimages? We try to organize them twice a year (to begin with). Please,
Let's start A New Era!
December 24, 1999
I should go on with the teaching. Today I will
elaborate on "personal integration". It is the second step of The Universal Way.
Once you have opened yourself up, not only common thinking, emotions and desires are
popping up, but also the ones that in the past have been suppressed. What is the logic of
it? Didn't you become your New Self, your inner Space, with corresponding qualities like
clarity, inner balance and stability, freedom and joy? For sure you did. It is indeed a
totally new foundation of life. Enjoy it without reservation.
There happen to be some
"side-effects", though. First of all, while your inner Space is expanding, your
ego - the identification with your self-image - is weakening. Well, you would say, isn't
that the purpose of it all? (Hopefully you are not one of those who "want to get
rid" of your ego...). Anyway, this is indeed the consequence of the process you are
in. Few realize, though, that the ego had a positive (in fact many) function, as well. It
is keeping suppressed emotions down. It is a safeguard. To be confronted with (violent)
emotions all the time would make life impossible.
An increasingly weakening ego can't prevent them
from coming to the surface, though. The shock: since starting your "path toward
harmony and peace", you may become confronted with outbursts of
"negativity" - pain, fear, anger, self-pity, inferiority complex, self-hatred,
etc. - like you never experienced before. The danger is that you (once again) start
rejecting them. That you consider them as "obstacles" on your path toward
liberation. Especially those, who have pre-conceived ideas about "positive
thinking" are most likely to step into this pitfall.
Studying the birth and growth of the personality
would help. As a child you accept what you like and reject what is too difficult to
digest. It can be symbolized by a medieval city. What is welcome is within the walls, what
not is outside. The structure is the same. Psychologists call this the pain and pleasure
principle. It is a built in mechanism. We share it with animals and plants. Crucial
insight: your personality is formed by rejection, by creating inner stepchildren. Like all
rejected children they start pressing to become part of the Whole (once again).
To consider "negativity" as your inner
stepchildren, that nag to become accepted, sheds a totally new light on the problem.
Knowing this, would you be able to reject them, once again? Of course you won't. You would
invite them, enclosing them in your arms. You realize their suffering of having been
outsiders for a whole lifetime. You can easily forgive their "impossible"
behavior. Once you embrace them, they become part of the Whole again. And what happens?
You guess it. It is like a unhappy child taken on mother's lap: its sorrow vanishes into
The release of emotions often shows a certain
pattern. It goes back in time. This means, that first your (relatively) recent ones pop
up, then the older ones, while eventually the oldest ones come to the surface. It complies
with the life-film people see, just before dying. Hence, a popular way of daily meditation
is in the evening visualizing crucial moments of the day, always from the evening back to
the morning. The earlier the trauma, the more fixed it is in your unconscious. It gives
you a clue ("diagnosis") about your integration process.
F.i. if you re-experience a crucial episode from
the time you were six, then you know, that everything after it has been already
integrated. This may include "physical" symptoms. The older the emotions, the
more they may be tied to your physical substance, as well. The release manifests itself in
two ways. It is either accompanied by bodily symptoms like shivering, trembling, heat
wave, crying or outburst or expresses itself through full-blown physical catharsis e.g.
"disease". An example: recently, I have to suffer from intense and persisting
itching on my head.*
* Sri Ramakrishna also had that. In his
case it lasted several years....
Practical methods helping you with
"personal integration" are a.o. "feeling (body) awareness" (See: "The Universal Way", chapter 2), "Emotional self-integration" and "Focusing" (by
Be like the Mother: all-embracing.
December 25, 1999
Han Marie's Christmas Address
Obviously, the coming of Light is a joyful
event. No doubt, that it gives "hope" to the hearts of many. It rarely comes to
mind, though, that the real mystery of the Winter Solstice e.g. Christmas is Darkness.
Compare the Light with Darkness, yourself. Isn't the former singular, "linear",
easy to perceive, plain and uncomplicated? Yes, it is self-evident, not giving cause for
extensive elaboration. Darkness on the other hand, is unfathomable. The more you go into
it, the deeper its Mystery. One of its mysteries is, that it is giving birth to the Light.
While the Light is "one-dimensional",
Darkness has an infinite potential. Not surprisingly thus, that in ancient times She was
revered as the "Cauldron of Regeneration". Her Abyss is incomprehensible. She is
the Bottomless Pit of birth and death. Is that the reason why "man"kind
increasingly distanced itself from Her? Is She simply too intangible, not accessible for
hu"man" reasoning? Too frightening also? Some time ago, a Buddhist scholar broke
the silence about this delicate topic.
She resolutely makes her point in shifting the priority
from the offspring - the Buddhas - to the Origin, the Womb from which the former are being
born. Obviously, there is a hierarchy between them: "first the Mother, then the
Son". Prof. Shaw emphasizes exactly that. This kind of approach is very rare, even
among Buddhist feminists. Considering that fact, Miranda's article is a highlight without
precedence. Hence, I strongly recommend you to reading it.*
* Prof. Miranda Shaw "Blessed are the
Birth-givers", Parabola Vol.. 23 No. 4 Winter 1998. Pp. 48-53.
While Buddha's are born out of the Light (Emptiness), in
its turn, the Light - Buddha-Nature - is born out of Darkness (Emptiness beyond
Emptiness). In Buddhism this is generally "forgotten"*. However, you can find it
back with almost all Buddha-statues: Buddha sitting on the lotus. Contrary to the common
meaning, in which the lotus is more or less an ornament only, we emphasize the Origin: the
Lotus symbolizing the Womb out of which Buddha-Nature is born. Hence, we revere the
Buddha, but worship the Lotus.**
* In ancient China, before Buddhism, black was the sacred
color. F.i. major ceremonies were all held in black. After Buddhism became the dominating
religion, black was denounced for being the color of hell, evil and crime.....
** See also: Great Mother Buddhism,
chapter "Womb of all Buddhas"
Christmas as a celebration of Darkness giving
birth to the Light? Wouldn't that deepen our life? Like in former times? Going into an
(imaginary) womb, cave or crypt* (in the oldest churches still a place of initiation!),
re-enacting the cosmic drama, isn't that our deepest longing? What is the purpose of the
spiritual Path, if it doesn't solve your existential problem: your ANGST of Nothingness?
Indeed, all this piety with sitting round the tree singing songs (or doing a ritual) beats
about the bush. It is a social (commercial!), rather than a spiritual
* Some ten years ago I visited Koyasan
(Japan), the center of Esoteric Buddhism. There I attended the "Dark Room
Prayer", a meeting of about a hundred people with text recitation. Thanks to the
Darkness primordial trust was restored, all fear had disappeared....It felt so
Alien to "Christian Tradition?" In the
early (Pre-romanesque and Romanesque) ages, many church crypts were dedicated to the Black
Madonna. Pilgrims would walk long distances in order to worship Her. Once arrived they
flocked into the Dark Space, making circles while praying. The darkness wasn't something
to be afraid of, at all. On the contrary, it rather gave the feeling of a protective womb.
Not surprisingly thus, that these places were among the most popular in the country (e.g.
France, Italy, Spain).
"The Light shines in the Darkness, but the
Light didn't understand". It has denied its Cosmic Mother. Rather than recognizing
Her as its Origin, reason for limitless gratitude, it has turned Her into the source of
all evil. If there is anything worth of being repaired, it should be this. Therefore, at
Christmas, let's be joyful about the birth of the Light, but worship the Mother.
See also: www.youtube.com/healingtheplanet, our most recent video (Alkmaar Talk, in Dutch).
an indefinable longing
may I always be part of the Whole
that I am MySelf
I long for strength
coming to the open without
acknowledging my Origin
let me do everything
in Your Name
complying with peoples' deepest longing
going back Home
December 26, 1999
Yesterday, in bed, I did my usual body-awareness
exercise. This time, I watched and felt my entire intestine, from the stomach to the
rectum. The surprise was, that every part was simultaneously projected into my mind. I saw
my duodenum, colon etc. in front of me, silver color, very much alive. Especially watching
and feeling the horizontal part of the colon had an immediate impact on the front lobe of
my brain. The latter becoming very fresh and bright.
This morning, I remembered the following dream.
I found myself naked, touching with my body the back of a equally naked girl from head to
toes. The shapes of our bodies fitted perfectly. My frontside felt totally electrified.
However, without feeling any specific sexual desire. We stood there just feeling each
other, making no movement, at all. When we separated, both of us expressed surprise about
the inclusiveness of the experience. Especially her spine, she said, felt totally
rejuvenated e.g. empowered.
In the next part, I saw a drawing of myself
covering the page of a newspaper. I was portrayed as Maitreya Buddha in a teaching
posture, very gentle, "as beautiful as a man can be". An article next to the
picture announced my future activities. The miracle: it was written in such a way, that
people from all backgrounds could read it!
Subsequently, I walked in nature, barefoot. It
was a tropical landscape. Snakes were there, but they didn't do any harm. I didn't show
the slightest trace of fear. I felt harmony all around, like in paradise, all creatures
living peacefully with each other. I joyfully went down to a pond, admiring a new species
of lotus flower.
Finally, I found myself in a stadium. It was
packed with black and white people. It was a very merry atmosphere, indeed, a
mass-celebration. Everybody laughed, talked, were eating and danced with each other.
The lightness of life revealed.
NB. December 21, Part 2 has been
MotherBlog 2 (2)