Your problem is that you think you are alive. However only your periphery is, with your Center being absent. What you call "life" is just functioning, just exploiting your own vital forces. Unfortunately they appear not to be limitless (as you would like to think) hence your stress, burned out syndromes, (chronic) fatigue and finally: depression, exhaustion and despair. Once burned out there's nothing left, just meaninglessness, emptiness. You know the joke about the owner resembling his dog? That's how we resemble the world we have created around us, a world of objects. Lacking a Center we only seem to be a limited amount of "energy", waiting for being exploited. Once the energy is used to the bottom, everything is over, like machines are. "Immortals", that word only echoes very vaguely somewhere in our collective sub-conscious. We are definitely a dead end, a branch of evolution that - similar to that of other extinguished species - soon will cease to exist. Only very few, the hero's of the culture, will refuse to accept this honourless fate. They stand up amidst the "near-death" and proclaim the triumph of life over death. My Greenie's are such people.

Only a Real Alive One can see that you are dead already. Therefore my heart is broken by so much ignorance, suffering, selfishness, ugliness and hopelessness. Better stay where you are, at least you don't have to see what I continuously have to face. An Alive One forced to live among the dying is a horrible but unavoidable thing. Hence my function is witnessing the suffering, the degeneration and the decay, giving it back to where it belongs, to you. So is this my choice? Definitely not. What keeps me here though is, that I see that in a way I am part of it too. I have been born here, raised, educated and finally a "full member" of society. I enjoy the same freedoms like you. The same freedoms which nowadays are going out of control. Freedom leads to nothing, if not shared with others. Too much wealth eventually accumulates in such a way that it will poison you, you simply will be stifled by it. All these things, it all belongs to me, but I do not belong to them. The alienation I see around me is strange to me, I am a child of life, light, beauty and friendship. I am (extremely) happy inside, but I usually don't feel myself reflected by the people around me. Only situational. If I smile to somebody very often he or she smiles back to me. That is already something, a small gift indeed. But it is not remaining, it is a "situational reflex". A real communion, a recognition of the Heart is extremely rare though.